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Feb. 9th, 2006 @ 12:16 pm Fuck Valentine's Day in the Face.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
My boyfriend is so fucking dumb sometimes. If he wants this to end, the he should just keep doing what he's doing, and stop prefacing all his actions with "I'm scared of losing you". Yeah, you are going to lose me, and it's going to be your own doing. I love him, and don't want to be with anyone else, but sometimes I just want to be single so I don't have to justify my every action. yeah, I messed up this break, and yes, that is the only time I have ever done thing like that. It's not something I did against him, its just something that happened. He stated: This isn't working. So I told him it is over. Done. But do I really mean it?
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Jan. 26th, 2006 @ 12:43 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: geekygeeky
I've actually been good about blogging lately, excpet it's been over on myspace instead of LJ. Go figure. So if anyone cares to read my ramblings, which are always pretty much about nothing, then go to myspace. make youserlf an account if you don't have one. Maybe I'll start blogging on here again, who knows. I have so much reading to do this semester, so we know that I'll be spending a ton of time online.
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Jan. 3rd, 2006 @ 07:08 pm (no subject)
I haven't posted on here in a while. Sorry. I'm in Vegas right now, hanging out with the family. It's not too bad, except for having to listen to Claire's extremely annoying, whinning, voice all the time, complaining about everything. She leaves a mess in her wake and seems to think that everyone needs to drop what they are doing to accomodate her. She drives me crazy.
So far we haven't done too much, other than hang out and watch TV. Tomorrow Dad said something about taking a drive to the desert, which I think I would like. Today we went down to the Strip. I kind of hate Las VEgas, at least when I have to be with my family. I really have no desire to gamble or be in a building with a ton of people. It freaks me out. Plus, I don't really want to spend any money on anything, so that limits what I can do for fun.
I'm heading to see SAm on the 10th, Yay! I'm going home 5 days earlier than I had planned, but I dont want to be away from home for so long. I want to ski and see my horse, and oh yea, myboyfriend too.
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Nov. 21st, 2005 @ 02:16 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: geekygeeky
I had a great weekend, went to see The Mathematicians play on Friday. Soooooooo Great. 12 of us went, 12 loud, drunk people walking down the street at 8pm, wreaking havok and causing mayhem. 12 drunk people, each with a mind of their own, walkind down the streets of Albany. Couldn't ask for a better night. I was a bit aprehensive about bringing Jamie into that mess, didnt know if he could handle it. He did, and he loved it, and I'm very happy for that. He dranks a glass of whiskey, in order to "kick it up a notch". I guess he felt the need to be intoxicated with the rest of us fools, who demolished 60 beers at home before heading to the club and drinking who knows how much more. I introduced Jamie to Gin and Tonic. I'm pretty sure gin is a family tradition. I made that statement to my father the other day. He was like, Tanquere was MY drink ,sometimes w/ a bit of lime in it. Gin and tonics are good when its hot out.
Oh man, I love gin and tonics.
So the show was fantastic. We danced for 4 or more hours. Before we left we ate Japanese food. It was all over the table. Someone spilled sesame sauce on the table, so we had to mop it up w/ rice. And then eat it, of course. I'm still sore from dancing. It got to the point where I was dancing so much I thought I was going ot pass out, I'd step back to cool down but was immediately drawn back to the front. I couldnt keep myself from dancing.
The Troy kids are out of control. So are the kids from 94 Partridge. I took pictures of the aftermath. I can't wait until the next time everyone is together. I have a feeling that this coming week may be filled with partying. I'm gonna need some more money. You know what, Friday was so much fun, that I think I've been recharged with happiness for a little while.
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Nov. 2nd, 2005 @ 02:12 pm (no subject)
Haven't posted in a while, been doing the usual school bullshit. Loves it. Not really.
The boy is coming home on Friday. 6 months turned into 2 weeks. good and bad, I guess. I'm excited but aprehensive. Things shoudl be good though.
No classes Firday, super sweet. I'm going home tomorrow afternoon early. Next weekend I guess Abbey is comign to visit again. Always highly entertaining.
I need to mellow out. Had a near breakdown over a stupid paper that was due today. got an extension til monday. Good.
Tis all for now, need some food before watchign City of God
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Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 06:07 pm (no subject)
I'm sitting in the campus center. Its so quiet. Probably becuase it's 6pm and most everyone else is gone for the day. I'm waiting unitl bellydancing class at 7. Sara is supposed to meet me, but I've called her 2x and she hasnt called back. bitch. Hung out w/ Amanda and Lauren instead of going to film class. Was worth it. Went to a jewelry shop for a while, got bored. Went to Hallmark, didnt have the candle I wanted. Went to the store next to it, Amanda and Lauren freak out of the spring Vera Bradley bags. Go to Coldstone Creamery and get ice cream, after having a huge lunch. It was good. Went to the mall with the girls, was fun for a while. We all were tired and cranky. Amanda and Lauren argue the whole way back to campus. Fun. Amanda's bf is a douche. But I've known that for a while. I didnt get anything for myself, but that's ok. When I go home I'm curling up with a book and some tea.
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Oct. 23rd, 2005 @ 12:48 pm (no subject)

Your Political Profile



Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal


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Oct. 22nd, 2005 @ 09:02 pm (no subject)
I'm laying in bed, listening to music, and the rain. My body is exahusted, but it's that good exhausted, a fulfilled exhausted. My heart is calm, I am happy. For all the confusion surrounding me, inside I feel remarkably calm. We'll see how I feel about all of this tomorrow.
Last night, last night was just amazing. I saw the best shooting star ever, and talked until the early morning. Was so hard to walk inside, to turn my back, but I did so with a smile and a happy heart...this doesnt feel like an ending. I'm still hurt, still cautious, but you can't ignore what feels right. Uncertainty abounds, but at the same time it feels like coming home, like lying in my bed on a rainy night.
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Oct. 20th, 2005 @ 12:19 pm writing somewhat cryptically....
I really hate the fact that I am insanely jealous of things that I cannot control, things that should be of no conern to me. But I can't stop it. I guess it comes from the circumstances surrounding the situation, but I think that it was always something there. I know it was. I'm a hypocrite too, cuz I have like 100 guy friends, but if I see a new girl on his friends page while I'm being a crazy stalker, I get so mad. Not so much mad, but really jealous. I'm weird. It'd be nice to let it all go, but I can't. I'm working on forcing myself to get used to stuff, get over the jealousy. Tomorrow I have to say goodbye, and get on with life. Which we all know won't happen. Cuz I'm crazy.

School will be the death of me. I guess I do a fair amount of school work, but I dont do enough. I found out today that I only need 13 more credits to graduate in English :-) Makes me very happy. I'm on the verge of getting an ulcer, I can feel it.
How did I go from being cool and laid back to being so high-strung and anxious? I was really proud of myself at the beginning of the school year in how I was conduting myself. Now I jsut feel like a crazy person wandering around, always on the verge of a freak out or something. How do people relax so well? Like, how do they just let stuff roll of their shoulders, not get as tense as I do? I guess they don't, otherwise there wouldnt be a need for massage therapist and what not. Now I need to go and read. That's what I'm doing always, reading reading reading. And sometimes writing.
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Oct. 13th, 2005 @ 09:11 pm (no subject)
I'm tired. I haven't really done anything today. So there is no real reason why I'm tired. I wish I were an overacheiver. Then I might not be so stressed. Actually, I already am an overachiever. I just wish I wasn't lazy. I prefer the couch and myspace to doing anything of real value. I guess it works for the time being.

This week was kinda shitty. Up til Monday I had a pretty good time. Then I freaked out, as is bound to happen with me. Hung out w/ Jamie again today....felt better afterwards, but I know that even if it feels ok right now, I'll feel awful again in a few days. He's leaving for the winter, which will be good. Give us some time to really think about ourselves. Because if he were staying, we'd probably get back together, and neither one of us is anywhere near ready. I really think I need a distraction....the best way to get over one man is with another, right? Unfortunately I have no real prospects of any rebound action, so....
I'll just continue to hang out with Joy and do fun girl stuff. lol.

I kinda like having girl friends around. I'm not used to it at all, but I realize that girl time is so necessary. Who else will watch cheesy movies and dance to Shakira while doing dishes?

but seriously, I really would like some guy to pay attention to me. and not a creepy guy I dont like. I want to have a crush on someone and I want them to have one on me too...is taht too much to ask?
It'd be better than being in love with someone you can't be with..(whew, that was hard to admit...)

So I really dont want ot do this Grandma memorial thing this weekend. But it does allow me to see my family, and Abbey is coming to Albany, so it can't be all bad...it might be good bad, but not bad bad..lol
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